I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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