a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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