I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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