i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
