He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
