oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
