I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
sex in a hospital.. check
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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