Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
