so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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