there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
