There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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