Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
