dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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