My friends, they love my intelligence
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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