Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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