oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
