My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
