I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
