Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
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