I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
