My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
