i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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