not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
