Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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