he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
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dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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