Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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