he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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