i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
