Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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