i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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