i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
