The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
