Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize