made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
