1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
