Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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