The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize