anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
