No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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