I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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