Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
