Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
