Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
