the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
