I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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