thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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