The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
