i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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