We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we're so committed to being not committed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
