And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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