If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
