if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
