I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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