Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
