and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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