fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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