last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
