Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
