Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
